I’m fairly certain this happens more often than not. A user fashion’s an email, than in their mind makes perfect and complete sense. They blithely send this email off to you, without care to the damage that could be wrecked upon your psyche. Today, a good friend of mine received just such a letter, and it took a considerable amount of time to fashion a politically correct response. So I decided that there should be a canned response to these types of request’s and I would like to submit mine today.

Dear User,

I would like to respond to the email that you sent earlier, but I noticed that shortly after reading it, I was bleeding out of both eyes. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized that both my pen and pencil were jammed into each. So if you will pardon me I am currently unable to help you with your particular request, as I am headed to the emergency room.

Regards,

Me

Feel free to copy and paste this wherever you feel the need!